Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Always a Complication

Things were rolling along nicely. I thought. Isn't it always that way? You think everything is finally working well, and you can breath a sigh of relief?

The car was sold, she had some money in the bank for bills to just get ahead a little.

Then one day I noticed a check made out to a relative for a moderate amount of money - at least enough to have wiped out most of the savings per month on not having auto insurance.

I asked her about it. Is the word asked or confronted

Either way she was completely on the defensive, which means she was completely on the attack. "It's my money." and "I have enough to cover that." This implies that what she does affects nobody, not me, nobody, not even her, down the road. This also denies that it was me who signed her contract with the senior residence, as a "responsible party" and completely ignores or overlooks the fact that if she runs out of money to pay her rent, that my husband and I are on the hook for her rent and expenses associated with the senior residence.

Maybe I was wise or snide but I said, "Mom, if you can't remember what day it is, how do you know you have enough to be able to afford those expenses?" My question didn't get at all into the issue of Is this good for him? Will this help him establish independence and independent thinking and problem-solving skills?

What do you do or say when your parent has this approach? How do you feel?  What's your next move? What does it do to your relationship with this parent?

The next day I found another charge on her credit card for a $55. taxi ride. She didn't deny it, again. She tried to make up a few excuses that "he missed the bus" or some such nonsense. With that, the money I saved her from not paying car insurance for the money was completely wiped out. In 24 hours.

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