Monday, February 2, 2015

Tomorrow I'm Telling Her about the Credit Cards. Writing Under the Covers

Tomorrow I'm telling her.

I don't want to get into a fight. I don't want to raise my voice. I don't want to hear her say "I'M YOUR MOTHER." I don't want to say back "WELL I'M YOUR DAUGHTER." I don't want to hear her say "IT'S MY MONEY." I want to explain everything in a way she can hear it, very clearly and simply. I don't want to say anything that's going to be antagonistic. I don't want to get into something that's going to put her on the defensive or that's going to elicit a power play. I'm not interested in power. I'm interested in protecting her, and protecting myself. That's threatening to her.. but that's all I want to do. THIRD PARTY says to her "I don't like that she's trying to control you." Ha. Truth is that HE is trying to get to her money for himself, for his own personal use. So he feeds this stuff into her to turn her against me so that I won't stop her from giving him money.

So I'm writing it all down first.

Writing it down helps me. It elicits a lot of emotions that I can work through on paper before I talk to her.  As I write, more and more emotions come out. I see what's happening.  What games are going to happen, and how to bypass them.

It keeps me awake, thinking and writing.

Thinking and feeling and writing.

I feel my heart beating faster... I feel the stress that this all puts me under. I feel the cause of my high blood pressure. My husband's asleep and the light of my phone from writing my "NOTES" keeps him up so I have pull the covers over my head and write under the covers. There's a point where I know I can stop and put the phone down and get some rest.



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